PARENTING LESSONS FROM THE ELDERS
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
I was on vacation and visited my elder brother. He is our eldest and patriarch of the family, dad having passed, a role he admirably plays. A septuagenarian, I enjoy listening to his memoirs spanning distant family history, over 35-year-long career lessons and voluntary community service among others.
We had a family event which brought him and his childhood and school day friends together from far and near. All of them senior citizens, they relieved old memories and exchanged hilarious banters. The energy and vibes were so fascinatingly electric you wouldn’t believe these were not high school boys!
As I sat in their midst, it was for me an admixture of fun, humour and lessons in wisdom. I learnt so much and one of the numerous lessons I learnt was on parenting which I hereby intend to share.
Way back in high school, one of their classmates was a high flier. He got most of the academic prizes during prize-giving days while the rest of them looked on. On one of such days, my brother had invited our dad, an educationist and education administrator. After this genius had as usual, cleared all the prizes, dad was said to have turned to my brother and scolded him, asking sarcastically, “wasn’t that someone’s son”?
For one of his friends in attendance at the hang-out, it was a different experience. According to him, his own dad patted him on the back and said ‘never mind, we all will not be leaders’, encouraging him to keep trying his best. According to my brother, that was the last invite dad got!
This is the twist: ironically, the high academic profile of their highly cerebral classmate did not fare so well the moment he entered the university and, fast-forward to the future, the latter years are a far cry from the promising potentials of the former.
What are the lessons here? I was able to pick several.
First, it is an error to compare children. Every child, regardless of their performance or even non-performance has their unique giftings. It is the responsibility of each parent to discover their children’s uniqueness. To judge a child based on their cognitive competence or incompetence alone is to ignore the other domains of learning i.e. the affective (emotional) and the psychomotor (physical). Is it possible that a child that is not so cerebral is quite gifted in a particular sport but is only waiting to be discovered and encouraged?
Guess what? They all went ahead to do so well not only academically, but excelled in their careers. One of them at the hangout is a celebrated professor of global acclaim and renown, sought-after, quintessential ivory tower administrator.
Second, every parent has their unique style of parenting, and as I said in one of my books ‘Busting Parenting Fallacies’, everyone is his own parenting expert, and no one style is a one-cap-fits-all for raising children. While our own dad was tough and strict on discipline, a style that raised and shaped us into responsible adults and for which we are grateful, his friend’s dad’s approach was different, an approach that obviously worked for his kids for which they look back and are thankful to him.
Third, as parents we must ensure the total development of our children. Socialisation is a broad process through which every child must pass. I learnt from the conversation that their cerebral friend was a complete nerd. He never socialised nor had a life outside the textbooks, which unfortunately, rewarded only narrowly.
Fourth is never give up on a child. Brain and psychological development and maturity vary in children and sometimes through their college years. The ‘smartest’ today may be employed by the ‘not so smart’ in the future. The light bulb comes on at different times for some. Many famous superstars in social circles, corporate leadership and very successful business moguls, including presidents of countries were not the ‘smartest and brightest’ in school. Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook), Bill Gates (Microsoft), Steve Jobs (Apple) were all college dropouts.
These are the lessons I learnt from the elders.
‘Femi Adekunle, a Parenting and Family Coach, writes from Abuja, Nigeria.
Email: femi383@gmail.com
WhatsApp: 08055103512
12th September, 2026
