STAY OUT OF THEIR PROBLEMS
‘Femi Adekunle on Parenting
Stay out of their problems – when I was growing up, my parents had this understanding. They allowed us to suffer the consequences of our actions. And if we were stupid, we bore the brunt of our stupidity.
My parents would not shout themselves hoarse at us when we failed to do our homework. They didn’t worry much when their high school grown-ups were sloppy in the morning and likely to be late for school. They knew there were consequences for our indiscipline and were only too glad when the school made us go through the process. This is not saying they watched idly while we grew slack, no. Rather, they worried more for our delinquent conduct for which they had sole responsibility to correct.
We had a rusty first aid box in my dad’s room in those days. When we sustained injuries from wild plays – and we often did after countless cautions; without any iota of sympathy, he would ruthlessly apply the flaming hot iodine solution to disinfect the open wound while we yelled for mercy, angry knocks intermittently landing on our heads from his clenched, wearied knuckles. He obviously knew that sustaining non-life-threatening injuries from disobedient behaviour was our problem, not his!
Now I have learnt. I have learnt not to worry when my grown-up boys fail to iron their cloth and they wear them crumpled. I have learnt to keep a straight face when teenagers go hungry because they are too lazy to cook. I have learnt to be amused when, on Monday morning, they frantically search for a leg of their pair of socks. These are their problems, not mine. Am I being slack on discipline? Not at all, I surely know when not to.
We stress ourselves unnecessarily over the problems they own. Imagine a 3-year-old who runs to you whining after being smacked or shoved by his 2-year-old buddy while they were both playing (not bullying), and you get furious with his friend. It is his problem!
When we allow our children to handle their problems as long as they are not endangered or in any way imperilled, we teach them coping skills and life crafts that they will need to succeed in the future. We are not only equipping them for the journey ahead, we are also preserving our own life expectancy!
