Bedroom or Kitchen. By Falilat Oreoluwa Dikko

Bedroom or Kitchen

Last week, we boldly opened the door to the bedroom and what a conversation that turned out to be! I received messages that made me laugh, blush, and reflect. One woman said she sent the article to her husband with only a 🔥 emoji. Another simply wrote, “Oreoluwa, you exposed my secret weapon o!”

Clearly, we hit a nerve. Why? Because sex in marriage is more than pleasure. It is communication. Power. Peacekeeping. Even soft correction.

But today, let’s enter another sacred space: the kitchen.

You see, if sex is power, then food is magic. I’m not talking about cooking three square meals like a robot. I’m talking about the intentional act of feeding love, of turning a meal into a memory, and a kitchen into a soft throne room.

Let’s not even pretend, many men are simple creatures. They may not understand deep emotional codes, but they understand a hot plate of pounded yam with egusi.
They might forget your anniversary gift, but they won’t forget that grilled tilapia with pepper sauce you served during their last promotion.

In the words of Aunty Funmi from Surulere, “If you hold him in the bedroom and feed him well in the kitchen, na only God fit separate you two.”

Now, before the feminists call me to order, let me be clear: this is not about slavery or cooking under pressure. It’s about wisdom. Marriage is not only about rights, it’s about sense. Strategy. Service. And, yes, seasoning.

I remember a real story from Atlanta. A Nigerian woman, let’s call her Remi, had been married for 13 years. The spark was gone. Her husband hardly came home early. She had tried everything—talking, praying, even marriage counseling. Nothing changed.

One day, an elderly woman in her church said, “Remi, when last did you cook that man’s favourite native soup?” She laughed it off at first, but then decided to try. She cooked bitterleaf soup with smoked fish and pounded yam just like his late mum used to make it. She set the table, wore a simple wrapper and a smile, and waited.

That evening, her husband walked in, looked at the food, looked at her, and said, “Is today my birthday?” She laughed and said, “No. But I just wanted to honour you.”

That meal was the beginning of their healing.

Some people think it’s dramatic. But let me tell you, my sister, food is spiritual. That’s why some women abroad are using kitchen skills to collect husbands like visa stamps. Ask around, it’s not jazz.. it’s jollof!

So what exactly does food do in marriage?

1. It creates connection.

When you cook for someone, you’re saying: I care. I want to nourish you. Even if it’s just indomie and egg, served with love, it registers in their mind.

2. It brings comfort.

Men may not talk much, but a familiar meal after a stressful day can soften their hearts. You’ll be surprised how egusi soup can solve what three counseling sessions could not.

3. It breaks tension.

You’ve been arguing all day, but he walks in and smells his favourite stew bubbling on the fire… ah, ego go calm. That’s not weakness, that’s wisdom.

Now, I know someone is reading this and saying, “Oreoluwa, I’m not even a good cook. I didn’t grow up in a cooking home.” My dear, that’s why God invented YouTube. You can learn. There are tutorials for everything, from how to boil rice without disgrace to how to make oha soup without weeping.

Don’t let fear or pride cheat you. Marriage is warfare, and food is one of your weapons.

I’m not saying food will solve all your marital problems but I am saying it will not make anything worse.

As for me, I’ve turned my kitchen into a love lab. Sometimes I cook with my husband beside me. Other times I surprise him.
You see, just like the bedroom, the kitchen is not about perfection. It’s about presence and purpose.

So I’ll ask you, dear woman: in this ministry of marriage, are you reigning in the bedroom… and losing in the kitchen? Or have you mastered both?

Because trust me, when a man feels satisfied and nourished, when he’s emotionally and physically cared for, when he’s respected and well-fed, he becomes soft clay in the hands of his queen.

So this week, let’s rise, not just as prayer warriors or pillow fighters, but as queens of the pot and pan.
Let’s feed our homes with intentionality.
Let’s cook with joy, spice with humour, and serve with grace.

Because some love languages are spoken,
…and some are served hot with a side of plantain.

Until next time, may your love be spicy, your rice never burn, and your stew always bang.

Falilat Oreoluwa Dikko, author and public affairs analyst writes from Lagos Nigeria 25th July, 2025